Physician, heal thyself.

The first thing my anatomy professor at school asks our morning class is if we have any injuries to share with the class. Part of me sort of wishes I was more of a daredevil because while stories are the best tools for learning, I've yet to break a bone. This past week, however, put me in a new position. 

For the past 4 days I've had a migraine that has completely debilitated me... right smack in the middle of Christmas break. The pain was socially limiting, made me irritable and depressed, and was also a source of worry and confusion since it kept coming back every morning, increasingly worse. Part of being sick is wrestling with despair - nothing is merely a physical ailment. Pain shapes who you are, chronic pain especially. It is also an opportunity for spiritual pains and doubts to come to the surface. This migraine left me with no answers and no relief, a constant throbbing reminder of my weakness as a human being, allowing thoughts of emotional turmoil to overwhelm and cloud my perspective.

How does one handle pain? What does it mean to be healed? I am constantly told that you understand someone's pain so much better if you have been through it yourself - whether it is emotional or physical trauma. While this doesn't mean you can't provide healing to those with different experiences, it does offer hope that your own pain is still an asset to a greater story. Perhaps the most debilitating thing about sickness is the emotional despair - our 'activities of daily living' are no longer available. Our schedule must be surrendered. We must face our ailment and ask for help. We always ask - why me? why now?

I think there is a better understanding to be found through Henri Nouwen's words,

"Learn the discipline of being surprised not by suffering but by joy. As we grow old, there is suffering ahead of us, immense suffering, a suffering that will continue to tempt us to think that we have chosen the wrong road. But don't be surprised by pain. Be surprised by joy, be surprised by the little flower that shows its beauty in the midst of a barren desert, and be surprised by the immense healing power that keeps bursting forth like springs of fresh water from the depth of our pain. With a trusting heart that we will get what we need, and a spirit always surprised by joy, we will walk through this valley of darkness performing and witnessing miracles."

I ended up finding a chiropractor who fit me in today and solved my dilemma (it's my sub-occipital muscles for any budding anatomists out there). Not only am I empowered to handle my pain through physical stretches, ointments, and a good doctor, but I am empowered by hope.

It should not surprise us that our bodies are weak, that we are mortal, that bad things happen. It does not mean we treat pain flippantly, or ignore its root causes. As trained healers and doctors especially, we treat pain with great seriousness. But the pain must be recognized as part of living in a broken world, a world that cries out for the True Healer. In our places of great weakness and debilitating need we can experience a deeper story - that there is something we might have missed if our pain had not brought us there.

That is hope. And hope is healing.