Fully Present.

There's a small bible story that my mentor recently told me about that I'm only now seeing the significance of it. Back when Abraham and Sarah were trying to create a family, his mistress Hagar ended up taking on the child-bearing role much to Sarah's chagrin (despite it being her idea..). Hagar ends up in the desert for a brief period, giving birth to her son Ishmael, before being reconciled back into the family. While it sounds dysfunctional, there is a distinctly holy moment between Hagar and the Lord. Homeless, abandoned, and rejected, the Lord comes to her at her most vulnerable state. In their conversation He gives her a command and a promise, and this woman - with almost the equivalence of a mere possession in her time - names the Lord. She says, 'You are a God of seeing'; 'truly I have seen him who looks after me.' Even the location reflects the holy moment, forever called 'the well of the Living One who sees me'.

It's a powerful story, I'm realizing. The verse emphasizes again and again this understanding that God sees us, he is there at our most vulnerable moments, and he responds with purpose and promise.

For a couple days the image floated around in my mind, but it become much more dear to me after a particular incidence. Every now and then I get to make home visits to some of our refugee families if there are special circumstances. For this family, I went with our translator to help connect them to home health aid services. I had high hopes that this would relieve some of the pressure for Thein Thein, the Burmese woman who was taking care of a 92 year-old father, a mentally handicapped older brother, and 2 children, has a full-time working husband, and on top of this all, navigating an entirely new language and culture. I love their family - they are consistently cheerful and goofy and leave our entire staff feeling the same way.

The two representatives for this 'social service' presented themselves as 'an extension of the family'. They talked about all their services, the number of hours they could come in, and how great of an opportunity this was for people struggling to be caregivers. I thought we were off to a good start until they turned their focus on the politely silent refugee family sitting around them. It breaks my heart even thinking about it now... they started asking questions, and any interjections of mine were cut off with excuses of the 'impossible task' of providing any aid to this family. I was told to start my own program (which they then proceeded to give advice on how to do that). I was told that the father should be in a nursing home. I was told that it would be impossible for any nursing home to take the father. I was told that the mother, Thein Thein, has a very tough job and they feel very sympathetic to her. I was told that Thein Thein needs to make sure she does everything as a caregiver properly or they might call Adult Protection Services on her. I was even told that Canada has good healthcare because they depend on the USA for an army (I never should have mentioned my homeland).

Needless to say I was seriously debating the benefits of shooting myself in the foot just to have an excuse to escape. After a draining 3 hours, they finally departed, leaving me with shredded patience and their phone numbers in case I wanted to build connections to start that program they advised.

Closing the door, I turned towards Thein Thein who now had tears in her eyes and we translated to tell her that her family was beautiful, healthy and happy and those peoples words meant nothing. We ate some lunch together, filled out a couple medical follow-up forms, and said goodbye. Once again I was questioning if my efforts in this job are giving positive impacts or negative ones.

A couple days later I had a medical appointment with her and found a box of cereal next to me after dropping her off.

The Lord gave Hagar a command and a promise, and its all wrapped up in the simple expression 'I see you'. It answers the burning question in our soul, but it also extends an invitation, a purpose. To be seen by God is also an opportunity to see God's people. God is fully present, always finding us, always seeing us more clearly than we can see ourselves.

I have the humbling responsibility to experience some of the most vulnerable times with these refugee families. While I struggle to have the energy or the resources or the capability to make a positive impact in their lives instead of a negative one, it's slowly dawning on me that the greatest impact is that of being Fully Present.

I see you.