I'm going to Tanzania for 3 months; a study abroad with other students. I leave in 48 hours. Putting it into hours makes it seem sooner, which is how I feel right now. Not sure how to prepare, and saying goodbye has turned out to be a little more difficult than my average "back-to-school-for-3-months-see-you-then."
I keep telling myself it's not a big deal, and that I'm being stupid for feeling nervous. But maybe it is. I keep pushing God aside and telling him I should be strong enough to handle this adventure, but the reality is....I'm scared. I don't want to be alone when I leave my comfort zone, face culture shock, or forget some important paper that deports me back to Canada. My wildest fears are taking over my excitement. It has also made me repack my bag at least 5 times now. Fear is time consuming.
I think I am slowly realizing that I need to let go. I am going on this particular study abroad because it will be a challenge, but I didn't think that challenge would begin with the simple act of packing. How do I know what I will need? I keep focusing on the material, defying my belief that 'God will provide.' I'm trying to fit God into my own ideas of what I need, and that is as difficult as trying to stuff my running shoes into my tiny condensed sleeping bag (I gave up and put them both in a new bag).
Maybe this will be a 'big deal' because God wants to do something amazing. I guess I'll have to wait and see. In the mean time, I'll try to stop stuffing God into my bag of necessities and instead, look to him for something bigger.
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